Not so super girl
by Mibamonster
Summary: Oneshot. 'But I'm a supergirl, and supergirls don't cry.' Well, Sydney does. But what is she supposed to do when she has more work than she can handle, not to mention inappropriate feelings for a certain Moroi, of all people? Sydney/Adrian.


**A/N: The story t****akes place about two months after Bloodlines. The song is 'Supergirl', by Raemonn. I hope you like it!**

* * *

'_And then she'd say:  
"It's ok, I got lost on the way  
But I'm a supergirl  
And supergirls don't cry"'_

The song was playing softly in the background. It was mostly the irony that made my tears come. Because I wasn't a supergirl, no matter what everybody around me seemed to believe. Do you need some files sorted out? Sydney will do it. Need someone to run an errand for you? Sydney will do it. Do you want someone to give up her dreams of studying and becoming an architect, just because someone needs to keep the vampire world a secret? Sydney will do it. Apparently, you don't even have to ask her, because you already know the answer, right?

I looked at the phone in my hand. It looked inoffensive now, as if it had not just brought the news that might well be my breakdown.

I could still hear my father's voice in my head. 'Sydney, you need to help with that research about spirit users. You are the only Alchemist on site and we need that information. I expect you will rapport the results correctly and in detail. I hope I don't need to remind you of the importance of this job. If you screw this up - '

He hadn't finished that sentence. He didn't have to; I knew what would happen. The little respect I'd regained in the eyes of the Alchemists would evaporate and this whole thing would leave them doubting my competence. They didn't have to, of course, but that was the paradox between the Alchemists and me: ever since my little escapade with Rose, they both expected me to do everything correctly, but not be up to the task.

It was exhausting, and this was just too much.

I slumped back on the plaid sofa and ran my hands through my hair, making a mental list of everything I had to do: make sure Terwilliger stopped thinking I had 'witch potential', make sure the Alchemists stop thinking of me as a vamp lover, do my homework, do normal Alchemist work, do _extra _Alchemist work, make sure Jill was okay and not brutally murdered by a group of psychopathic Moroi…

'Sage, you look as if you could use a drink,' a voice above me said. I looked up to see Adrian, holding a glass in his hand. It was filled with a brown liquid I couldn't identify; different kinds of alcohol had never been my strongest suit.

'No thank you,' I said, wiping a tear away. I hoped he had not seen it; it would be beyond embarrassing to cry in front of Adrian. If anyone thought I was some sort of übermensch, it was Adrian. 'I'm fine, just a bit stressed.'

He sat down next to me on the couch. Once, this proximity to a vampire would have made chills run down my spine, but I had got used to them during my months in Palm Springs. Besides, Adrian was about the least scary vampire imaginable. Ever since Angeline had come, I had spent more and more time with Adrian, which, now I thought of it, only added another to-do to my list: put an end to the nerves I had whenever I saw him. It wasn't even fright, it was something else and it bugged me. He was just _Adrian_, after all; just a Moroi. There was no reason to get worked up about him.

'Was that your father on the phone?' he asked, glancing at my cell phone.

I nodded.

'And, did you agree to do loads of stuff you actually don't want to do?'

I hesitated for a moment, then nodded again.

He shook his head as he got a packet of cigarettes out of his pocket. 'Sage, Sage, Sage, you really need to start standing up for yourself.'

'You might've mentioned that before,' I said.

'Yes, but you haven't listened to me yet. So, what does he want you to do? Discover a cure for aids in the weekends, then fly to a secret moon base to negotiate with hostile aliens who are planning to take over the world, only to be back in time for you to… I don't know, make the world's most wonderful sandwich?'

I let out a sarcastic laugh; the effect was diminished by another tear that welled up. 'Don't be ridiculous. I'm a horrible cook, no one would eat my sandwiches.'

'Ah, I would, little Sage,' he assured me. 'If that made you feel better.'

'Right now, the only thing that would make me feel better would be a… a trunk filled with chocolate and a note saying "thank you".' I kicked off my shoes and pulled my legs up until my chin was resting on them. 'That's what bothers me most. How never, not once, he ever takes the time to say, "Well done, Sydney."' Another tear escaped and I brushed it away angrily.

To my surprise, Adrian put an arm around my shoulders. I looked aside, only to see him looking more serious than I'd ever seen him before.

'Sa – Sydney, you _are _doing a great job,' he said earnestly. 'You know that, right?'

_No. _'Theoretically.'

'Well, I don't know anyone who would be able to pull off as much as you do every day,' he said. 'With your school and Alchemist stuff and making sure I stay sane… It's amazing how you handle everything.' He was silent for a second before adding, 'And your father knows that, I'm sure. It's impossible to miss.'

'I'm not sure if you've noticed, but my father hasn't been here since I arrived.' My voice cracked. 'All he gets is a rapport and when he looks at it, he just… he just sees the things I could improve. Which is good, because improvement is – that's what I want, but I just… I just want…'

I let the sentence trail off. I had no idea what I wanted. That was the root of the problem, wasn't it? I never did what I wanted, and now I didn't even know what it was. For all that talk Alchemists did about one's mortal soul, it seemed as if I'd already sold mine, or maybe it had been taken from me.

Adrian didn't say anything. His hand ran up and down my arm, which was nice and strangely comforting. It wasn't weird to have a Moroi this close – although I wasn't sure if I could stand any other Moroi touching me like this. There was just something calming about Adrian; it probably had to do with his spirit power, with the natural charisma that power gave a person.

'You sure you don't want anything to drink?' Adrian finally said, after a long silence.

I smiled and shook my head. 'No, but thank you for the offer. Alcohol isn't really my cup of tea.'

'If that was meant to be a joke, it's a horrible one,' he said. 'But would you like a cup of tea, perhaps?'

'Do you even _have _tea?' I turned my head to look at him, but hadn't expected his face to be this close. Stupid on my part; of course he was that close. Wasn't his arm around my shoulders? I believed I could even smell his cologne.

_This is too close. He's a vampire_, I told myself, but for some reason I didn't move away. _He's a creature of the night. He shouldn't exist. For heaven's sake, keep your distance, Sydney!_

If he was feeling uncomfortable with our proximity, he didn't show it. 'Of course I have,' he said. 'I think. I might've bought it when I moved in here… you know, as a good start… but I've no idea where I put it…'

'Typical.' I sat up straight and grabbed my phone to look at the black screen. My mascara was running a bit and my eyes looked puffy, but other than that, it didn't seem too obvious that I'd been crying. I looked good enough to pretend it never happened. 'But I think I should go, I need to get to the University.'

The Alchemists having used some of their influence, the Carlton University was where most of the research was now done. If I were to report everything that went down there, I'd best make that known as soon as possible. I got up, my eyes scanning the room for my purse.

'Oh, right.' Adrian looked disappointed. 'Are you sure there's any use in going now, though? It's almost eight, I doubt they'll be doing any research now. They probably aren't there; doesn't the University close at seven?'

I got the impression he was rambling, but whether he was or not, he did have a point. Room B403 would probably be empty now. I might as well stay with Adrian for a while, until my curfew kicked in. 'I guess you're right.'

I sat down again and took a shaky breath. _Just stay calm. Don't start crying. Your father wouldn't let you do this if he really didn't think you could handle it – it means he's got faith in me. You got that, Sydney? It shows he has faith in you._

'Earth to Sydney,' Adrian said, waving a hand in front of my eyes.

I blinked. 'Sorry, what?'

'You got an absent look in your eyes. I was just checking to see if you were still alive.' He smiled. I felt something warm close itself around my hand; when I looked down, I saw Adrian was holding my hand. It felt nice.

'Sage, are you sure you're okay?' he asked.

I nodded. I blinked rapidly, trying to hold back new tears that were trying to break through. 'Yes, I'm just a bit stressed.'

'A bit,' he scoffed. Again he put his arm around me and again I liked how it made me feel. 'Sage, you have more stress in one day than I've had my entire life. You need to take it easy. Relax. Take a holiday to some far, exotic place. Where it's warm, so you can wear a bikini all the time.' He raised his eyebrows, as if to say, 'Hey, why not?'

'I'll think about it,' I said, my voice sounding muffled. 'Something like the Caribbean? Or maybe Rome… I'd love to see Rome.'

'I'll take you there someday,' he said, with a certainty that surprised me. When he saw my confused expression, he said, 'Oh come _on_, I know you think I'm some sort of barbarian, but I have had some sort of education. I know all the good temples in Rome, not to mention the best ice cream parlour there is. Piazza Navona, if you really want to know. Just you, me, chocolate ice cream and that strange Bernini statue… What do you say?'

The thought of my father's face when I informed him I would be going to Rome with a Moroi was enough to make me laugh out loud. 'It's a deal,' I said.

'It's a date,' he corrected.

'Hmm… Being taken to Rome for my first date ever… I must say, it doesn't sound bad,' I said, before I could help it. What was I doing, saying these things to – to Adrian Ivashkov? Honestly? What was wrong with me?

'Of course it doesn't. I don't do bad dates, I'm far too awesome for that. And you're too special.' Suddenly his face was very close to mine – only inches separated his lips from mine. His words were still ringing in my ears. _And you're too special_.

All I have to say for myself is: I wasn't thinking. It's like the moment I looked into his eyes, I lost my capacity of logical thought and simply _acted_. I closed my eyes, leaned in closer, and kissed him.

It was amazing. I'd heard girls complain about their first kiss, saying it was boring or that they'd had no idea what to do. I had no such problems; my mouth simply knew what it had to do. My hands reached up and ran through Adrian's hair; his arms tightened around my waist. It was amazing, it was exciting – it was everything.

When we broke loose, I saw his pupils were so dilated I could hardly see the green of his eyes. I stared at his face in wonder for a second, mesmerized by the smallest details I'd never seen before; that his nose was just slightly crooked and that up close his skin _was _as perfect as it seemed from a distance.

Then reality hit me and I recoiled.

'Oh God.' I jumped up from the couch, looking around as if my brain would be dancing around and explain to me _why _I had done this. I had kissed a vampire. I had _kissed _a vampire. I had kissed a _vampire. _It was wrong – it was so wrong. They shouldn't exist, and the last thing they should do is intermingle with humans!

'Sydney?' Adrian said warily. 'Are you okay?'

'No! Did you – Don't you know what we just _did_?' I tried to keep my voice down, but failed. 'Adrian, we just - ' Rather than name the deed out loud, I gave him a pointed look. 'We can't do that. It's wrong. It's… you're… I'm… This is unnatural!' That was the least insulting I could put it.

He looked as if I'd hit him in the face. 'Why? Didn't you want to?'

I didn't know what I wanted. I couldn't want to kiss with vampires. But I wanted to kiss Adrian. So badly. Why didn't I know what I wanted?

'No! Of course I didn't!' I shrieked. 'You're a Moroi. I'm human. It's – it's not how things are meant to be.'

'Wh – that's nothing,' he said, getting up as well.

'That's _everything_, Adrian,' I said. And it was. It was everything I had been taught all my life. It was my duty to keep humans and vampires separated. This was so out of bounds, no one even imagined mentioning it in Alchemist training. _Kissing _Moroi? What normal Alchemist would even dare that, let alone desire it?

He grabbed my arm. 'It's not. It doesn't have to be,' he said.

'It does. Vampires – they're against God's will. I'm supposed to – I can't – I can't do this.' I pulled my arm free and Adrian did not try to get hold of me again. 'Surely you understand – surely you see that this is wrong?'

'Sydney.' His voice had such an urgency I had to look at him. 'This isn't wrong. I'm crazy about you. And I – correct me if I'm wrong, but I got the impression you felt the same way, even if I am a Moroi,' he said. I didn't reply save for biting my lip. 'Us being together is the best thing. The most natural.'

How could he not understand? 'Adrian, we're not even the same race,' I said. 'You're a completely different species from mine. This _is _wrong. There's a taboo and that taboo exists for a reason. I can't do this.' I didn't know what I meant by 'this'. I didn't know what I meant by anything I said.

Adrian's arms hung by his side. He looked so lost, so heartbroken, I could hardly repress the urge to put my arms around him and hug him. I did repress it, however. That was what I did – I didn't give in to what I wanted most. Until I forgot I wanted it.

'I really have to go,' I said. My voice sounded remarkably steady.

He nodded. 'If… if that's what you want,' he said. Suddenly, he grimaced and hit the wall with his fist. I jumped up, startled. 'Fuck, Sydney, can't you just – can't you just _try_? You want this. You like me. You do. Why can't you just…' He gestured around helplessly. 'Why won't you try?'

'I'm leaving.' I grabbed my phone and my purse and went for the door. Adrian followed me, but I was careful not to look at him. My willpower was already hanging by a string as it was.

'Will you call me when you are home?' he said.

'No.'

'Just to let me know you're okay?'

'I can drive a car, thank you very much.' I opened the door and looked over my shoulder. 'Please, Adrian, don't make this any more complicated for me than need be. I like you. I do, you are right about that, but I really can't do this. I'm an Alchemist. I can't… I just can't.' Where words could no longer do the job, I hoped my eyes conveyed what I wanted to say. _I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry._

The look he gave me could have rivalled a abandoned puppy's. 'But why not?'

'I'm sorry.' I closed the door and ran down the stairs, fighting tears the entire time. Not until I was sitting in Latte and put my key in the engine did I let myself think about Adrian's question.

_But why not?_

'I don't know,' I whispered, and broke down in tears.


End file.
